In Overwhelming Sadness, I Choose Joy
January 23, 2023
Gonzo and I stood at the edge of the lake. Tears streaming down my face as I smiled and repeated over and over again, “I choose joy. I choose joy. I choose joy.”
I had been sobbing through the whole walk, thanking God for each and every hurt I was experiencing in life and thanking Him for all the uncertainty.
“Thank You that You promise to use all of it for good. Thank You that You have a plan that won’t let my tears go to waste. In the overwhelming sadness that is pressing in on me on all sides for so many different reasons and from so many things happening all at once, thank You that You have a plan for all of them. Thank you that You won’t let any of it go to waste.”
“Thank you that You are my comforter. You are my Strength. You are my Wonderful Counselor and I ask you to step in and be all those things. I need You and right now I need You to be all those things. Thank you that You walk with me in all of this and through You, I am strengthened to do all things.”
At the edge of the lake, I looked at the thin ice and heard, “Just go in. Just step in and let go. There’s no reason for you to be here.”
I whispered out my resistance, “No. I choose joy!” I whispered all the reasons why until joy took over and I found my voice.
“In the loneliness, I choose joy. In the grieving, I choose joy. In the loss, I choose joy. In the desolation, I choose joy. In the pain, I choose joy. In the uncertainty, I choose joy. Because You are with me, I choose joy.”
I found that as I proclaimed those words, I could smile and laugh through the tears. Even when I feel just broken, having lived through attack after attack after attack from the Enemy, I could smile if I chose joy.
I continued praying and asking for some kind of sign that it would end soon. Some glimmer of hope for relief. A light at the end of the tunnel.
Gonzo and I returned home.
As I was getting dressed for a book writing meeting, I turned on Spotify, which had a suggestion for me. Normally, I ignore them but the name caught my attention.
I began listening to the lyrics of this beautiful song and God spoke the exact words I needed to hear and the exact hopeful, light at the end of the tunnel, sign I had prayed for. I fell to my knees in thanksgiving and worship and the tears that streamed down my face really were from Joy.
God had written a song for me for that exact moment in time:
“Joy In The Morning,” by Tauren Wells and Elevation Worship
https://open.spotify.com/track/6VorEVnu2fEEk6dcG9vb5v?si=6UVoKvjsTA-o_75ti9SEQA
Everything happens for a reason, but you don't know what you don't know And you'll never have peace if you don't let go of tomorrow 'Cause it ain't even faith till your plan falls apart but you still choose to follow If it doesn't make sense right now, it will when it's over There will be joy in the morning If it's not good, then He's not done No, He's not done with it yet There will be joy in the morning
Giving in to your feelings is like drowning in the shadows Oh, you gotta keep believing even in the middle of the unknown 'Cause grace will be there when you come to the end of your rope and you let go It may feel like you're goin' down now, but the story isn't over
There will be joy in the morning If it's not good, then He's not done No, He's not done with it yet (Hold on till the morning) There will be joy (Joy) in the morning
So lift your eyes and know that there is joy
You don’t have to stay where you’re at
There’s a light at the end of the tunnel
There’s new mercy every morning
Hold on ‘til you see the sun
Sing through the night
Lift up your eyes
Joy is on the horizon
There’s new mercy every morning
Hold on ‘til you see…just a little bit longer
And sing through the night
Lift up your eyes
Joy is on the horizon
There’s new mercy every morning
Hold on till you see the sun
Sing through the night
Lift up your eyes
Joy is on the horizon…
I feel it coming, I feel it stirring up deep inside
So keep holding on, keep holding on
Cause weeping may endure for a night, but joy is coming
So keep holding on, Oh Child, keep holding on
Weeping may endure for a night but joy is coming
From that moment on, everything changed and the Joy I had chosen welled up inside of me and took over.
I joyfully went to my meeting and I finally received the name for the book I’m writing.
“Dancing Into Deliverance”
Stay tuned…